Thursday, February 8, 2007


Listening to Corinne Bailey Rae...I dunno why...but every time I listend to this part of lyrics:

"...You've got this look i can't describe,
You make me feel like I'm alive,
When everything else is a fade,
Without a doubt you're on my side..."

I always wanted to cry my heart out! Realizing that I'm here and he is so far away from made me made me angry. It made me want to scream out loud..."GOD! WHY DON'T YOU SEND HIM A LONG TIME AGO BEFORE HE'S GONE AWAY... WHY???"

I never let anyone knows about this...but I'm just tired with all of these bullshi**. Everyone is judging me wrong, and I hate it. "Please stop telling me what to do. I know what to do...I know what to be done, I know what is the best for me... "

And I know that that guy is not the one, I'm pretty damn sure!...I have my own choice...I have my own heart...but unfortunately... God doesn't want me to meet my heart...ironic it is! I'm feeling empty...I don't know if God hates me or something...I just want a thing...a thing that will last forever. Because I'm sick and tired with everyone's opinions! Maybe I just want him...but I dunno "Oh Dear God...maybe you think that he's not the one...well...if that's the case, but why on earth do I still have this weird of feeling in my mind and heart?? AND IT REALLY HURTS!"

You know... one thing that I really love to do rite now is...going to my aunty's beach place and just walking around until nowhere to go and then screaming..."WHY DID YOU APPEAR INTO MY LIFE BUT YOU KNEW THAT IT WOULD HURT ME THIS MUCH...WHY OH WHY?!?!??!"