A Self-Reflection from "A Beautiful Mess".

You've got the best of both worlds
You're the kind of girl who can take down a man,
And lift him back up again
You are strong but you're needy,
Humble but you're greedy
And based on your body language,
And shouted cursive I've been reading
Your style is quite selective,
Though your mind is rather reckless
Well I guess it just suggests
That this is just what happiness is

And what a beautiful mess this is
It's like picking up trash in dresses

Well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you write
Kind of turn themselves into knives
And don't mind my nerve you could call it fiction
But I like being submerged in your contradictions dear
'Cause here we are, here we are

Although you were biased I love your advice
Your comebacks they're quick
And probably have to do with your insecurities
There's no shame in being crazy,
Depending on how you take these
Words I'm paraphrasing this relationship we're staging

And what a beautiful mess this is
It's like picking up trash in dresses

Well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you say
Kind of turn themselves into blades
And kind and courteous is a life I've heard
But it's nice to say that we played in the dirt oh dear
Cause here we are, Here we are
Here we are
We're still here
What a beautiful mess this is
It's like taking a guess when the only answer is yes

Through timeless words, and priceless pictures
We'll fly like birds, out of this earth
And times they turn, and hearts disfigure
But that's no concern when we're wounded together
And we tore our dresses, and stained our shirts
But it's nice today, oh the wait was so worth it.
__________________________

When I read the lyrics of this song (written by Jason Mraz)...It has shocked me, made me to reflect myself. It has slapped me on my face. I thought about how hard for me to stand up alone, pretending that I was strong but I was not, About me being sooo picky in many ways, But what I more concerned is about me being too picky when dealing with a relationship thing. About how sometimes I realized in using unpretty words to talk with someone I didn't really like and unrealized about how those words had hurt them. And then suddenly...he's disappeared... And only SINS were all that I got.

PS : To one of the NTS’s announcers... thanks loh, you’ve made my day by recommending this song for me!

"Reason For Breathing"...A Thought In Mind

If I cried like a baby would you change your mind?
If I told you I'm crazy would you come running back to me?
The harder I try to break away, the
more I get lost in yesterday
The man that you know is just a shell,
living without your life is hell

I turn on the radio just to take the hurt away
Another night and I'm missing you
Girl, it's killing me, well

I don't wanna die tonight, but I think I might be going down
'Cause the only one I ever cared about is nowhere to be found
I don't wanna close my eyes 'cause I
might not see the light of day
I'm almost out of air
You're my reason for breathing
You're my reason for breathing

I don't wanna go clubbing, I got no one to dance with me
I don't wanna go shopping, I got no one to spend my money on
Spending my time with one glass of wine
Playing solitaire just to ease my mind
Poured one for you, but I drank that too
Anything to kill the pain of losing you

I turn on the radio just to take the hurt away
Another night and I'm missing you
Girl, it's killing me

So I'm reaching out on this distant line
Hoping deep inside your heart's gonna find a reason
To keep me breathing
But I'm lost in this pain and I don't have much time
I'm so tired of walking this same old line
So I'm taking my pride, gonna throw it aside
Please let me breathe girl, I'm sorry

Baby girl, don't leave me standing here
I'm barely breathing, girl, I'm running out of air

___________________________________________________________________

Pfffhhhh... another love song from Babyface, and another killing song. Why's that? Just read the lyrics, and listen to it. You'll get what I mean. But please don't translate them to Indonesian...it would be so dangdut! "dirimu adalah alasan diriku bernapas!" mbuhuhuhu...

Anyway...for me the lyrics is simple, easy to understand but...so deep *or is it only me who feels that way?*. Just think of this one...the sentence "you're the reason for breathing"...how come babyface had that kind of thought in mind? If I were him...I think I might just made it like this : "I'm gonna die if I don't have you!"...see the difference? He's so brilliantly romantic or what?

Sensitif nya dirikuh....

I'm too sensitive...hari ini aja udah nangis dua kali. I blame "Keeping Up With The Kardashians" on E! and Night Time Story on UFM for this haha....

Actually, I'm not a big fan of "Keeping Up With The Kardashians", but today's story was soooo romantic! Robert Kardashian at last has a GF, and she's one of the casts on Cheetah Girls and also was a member of 3LW, named Adrianne Bailon. Adrianne confessed to the big sisters of Kardashians about her feeling to Robert, and she said that she's so in love with him and she would love him till death! *Danggggggg baby!!* And so does Robert, he feels the same about Adrianne...they even made a tattoo about their names. I Like this couple a bunch FYI! Suddenly Adrianne has to take a shot in India for three months, it made Robert sad...he cried when he dropped Adrianne at the airport! And so was I...I couldn't stop my tears! I can't stand to see a man crying because of love and moreover, the scenes about them was so sweet!

The other one that has succesfuly made me cry was about today's topic on Night Time Story : "Kalau kamu dilamar, bayangan kamu kayak gimana sih pas dilamar?" Like usually, I always text messaged the announcer if the topic is interesting;

Kalo gw, gw pinginnya yang gak kepikiran sama gw pas dilamar. Kayak abis pulang nonton konser, pas lagi jalan ke mobil...we're holding hands, tiba2 dia nyanyi lagu soundtracknya Juno, "Anyone Else But You"...suddenly, dia berhenti di depan gw, trus ngelamar gw on his bended knees, with a ring! And everybody is watching us! That would be sooo romantic!

When Aryo, the announcer read my msg, I smiled so big! And after he made a comment about my story, he played the song Anyone Else But You by The Moldy Peaches....and I cried once more...HORAYYY FOR ME!!! This is what I called a good cry :)

My Present Life

Status? Still the same...single fighter! Have I told you before that I cut my hair? Yes I did... it's kinda a bad habit for me when I'm feeling sad and angry about someone, I get someone (not the same someone of course! that would be hell!) to cut my hair :p. Gak gara2 itu doank sih...saking stressnya gw sama kerjaan juga (jadi double kan...make it triple anyway...coz my mom keep asking me about getting married!!), akhirnya rambut gw jadi rontok2 menggila!

Lagi sibuk banget sama urusan kerjaan. Pinginnya sih resign, cuma gw mikir juga...itu sekolah bakal kayak apaan kalo gw ngga ada?!?! Bukannya gw sombong apa bagaimana...tapi buseeeeeeeeet...kerjaan gw udah lebih dari sekedar ngajar deh skarang, adaaa aja urusan selain ngajar tapi tetep dari sekolah gw urusannya. Naik gaji udah...tapi tetep aja gak sebanding haha...nasib nasib...

So anyway, love life sucks...my career is also suck. My life is such a mess. Bokkk gw sakit udah hampir dua minggu ngga sembuh2! Ngga dapet ide melulu nih buat ngelanjutin bikin buku akhirnya. But oh well..."life goes on"...like what did Leann Rimes say, and yes indeed "Life is like a roller coaster" (for this one is said by Ronan Keating....that hunky guy..WAS..hehe). Damn I think I get another quarter-life's syndrome attack!

Apa gw ke biro jodoh aja ya...sapa tau kalo gw dapet jodoh terus hidup gw akan membaik?!?! Hahaha...who knows?!?!?

anyway...

BOOOOOOOK!! HOW COME YA ITU TRAVELER GANTUNG GITU CERITANYAHHHHHHH?!?!?!?

-me so sad...knowing that there's no the second season for TRAVELER...the tv show is cancelled!!!"-

My Mom :)

Tiba2 aja gue pingin bikin blog tentang nyokap gw. Udah beberapa hari ini soalnya nyokap gue punya kejadian2 lucu. Gue selalu berangkat kantor dan pulang bareng nyokap, secara kantor gue di pondok indah dan beliau di fatmawati, jadi selalu nganterin nyokap dulu deh gue. Selama adek gue ngekost, nyokap gue deh yang selalu gue ceritain...tapi tentunya ngga semua secret gue lah ya gue ceritain ke nyokap.

Nyokap gue itu selalu rewel kalau gue mau pergi keluar rumah malem2 atau pergi kalau pas kantor lagi libur, urusan bergaul! Pokoknya kalau gue ngga jelas mau pergi kemana dan sama siapa pasti ribet banget. Bayangin aja...dari gue kecil sampai gue segede ini nih, kalau gue mau pergi kemana2, nyokap gue harus tau gue pergi sama siapa. I mean benar2 kenal dengan siapakah gue akan pergi. Jadi kalau gue mau pergi dengan orang yang beliau bahkan baru denger namanya, gue ngga akan boleh pergi. Tapi kalau udah ketemu, dan tau jelas teman gue itu orangnya seperti apa, nyokap gue baru bolehin gue pergi. Teman2 sekolah dan kuliah gue tahu banget tuh soal ini. Pokoknya mereka kalau mau ajak gue pergi, harus setor muka dulu. Waktu SMP dan SMA bahkan gue ngga boleh jalan2 mall. Karma kali ya, sekarang gue malah tempat kerjanya di mall (BUKAN SPG!), dan otomatis tiap hari gue jalan2 mlulu kalau belum dijemput supir hehe.

Temen2 dekat gue yang kami sudah dekat sejak di bangku SD bahkan di bangku TK dulu, beberapa dari mereka punya sebutan masing2, panggilan akrab dan kesayangan gue dan teman2 lah kalau bisa dibilang. Seperti Wewenk yang bernama asli Dita, Geger yang bernama asli Tia, dan Sindrow yang bernama asli Sindy. Gue selalu bercerita ke nyokap gue kalau2 ada kejadian tentang mereka sejak di sekolah dulu bahkan sampai sekarang. Dan lucunya, gue selalu memakai nama2 sebutan mereka, bukan nama asli. Alhasil, yang teringat sama nyokap gue adalah nama2 sebutan mereka. Suatu hari...nyokap gue secara tidak sengaja bertemu dengan nyokapnya teman gue, nyokapnya si Geger. Lalu si tante (nyokapnya Geger) itu bertanya tentang kabar gue. Sambil menjawab pertanyaan2 si tante ini...nyokap gue masih sambil berfikir dengan keras siapa nama asli nya si Geger...dan akhirnya nyokap gue dengan perasaan agak malu tentunya bertanya "siapa namanya??". Hiahaihai...daripada kesebut Geger gak sih? Gak sopan banget nama anak si Tante bagus2 dipanggil Geger sama nyokap gue hehe...

Selain urusan mencari teman, nyokap gue juga rewel banget soal mencari teman lelaki atau pacar! Jangan heran kalau gue picky banget kalau untuk urusan mencari pacar! Karena nyokap gue sendiri selective banget untuk urusan satu ini. Pernah nyokap gue dibuat kaget bukan main pas pertama kali bertemu dengan mantan gw yang waktu itu masih jadi pacar gue gara2 dia datang ke rumah kakek gw pakai sepatu fantofel (how to write that si ya?), kemeja lengan panjang tapi celananya jeans terus rambutnya emo. Dan waktu adek gue bawa pacarnya ke rumah pertama kali (sekarang udah jadi mantan juga), lebih parah lagi....pake boots masuk rumah! Nyokap gue akhirnya melihat dari ujung kaki nya sampe ke ujung kepala hiahahiahiahi.

Nyokap gue punya feeling yang cukup bikin heran gue juga. Pernah waktu dulu gue sempet deket dengan seseorang di kampus saya (yang sekarang gue gak tau deh tuh orang apa kabarnya), karena beda agama...gue ngga mau cerita ke nyokap. Tapi suatu hari...tumben2nya nyokap gue bilang gini..."Dan...kamu boleh kok punya pacar, asal jangan yg bikin kaget mama aja", bingung dengan statement nyokap gue yang seperti itu, akhirnya gue bertanya "yang bikin kaget gimana maksudnya mah?" lalu nyokap gue menjawab, "yg beda agama!" JRENGGGGGGGGGGGG! Sejak saat itu juga gue ngga pernah pingin ketemu lagi sama lelaki itu. huhu...takut bok!

Dan sekarang niih...baru2 ini kejadiannya...Kalau di mobil, gue pastinya dengerin radio. Nyokap gue juga otomatis dengerin juga donk. Dan udah beberapa hari ini nama gue seriiing banget disebut di salah satu stasiun radio. Nyokap (dan bokap yang beda mobil tentunya) juga akhirnya kalau gue lagi ngga ikut di mobil, tetep tune in nya ke radio itu. Nah, tapi yang paling sering tuh pagi2...gara2 gue juga sih sering sms...cuma anehnya gw diejek mlulu di radio itu. Dan suatu hari muncullah pertanyaan dari nyokap gue..."ini siapa sih Dan yg siaran? Perasaan ngejekin kamu mlulu dari kemaren!". Jreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeenk. Gue pun berfikir kalau harusnya tetep dengerin radio dari walkman aja...but it was too late. Lalu gue jawab, "ini si A sama si B mah!". Nyokap gue lalu bertanya lagi..."Si A itu umur berapa?". Pas gue jawab umurnya yg udah kepala tiga, nyokap gue terus bilang "ohhh segitu, bilang ke dia...jangan sering ngejek2in kamu...nanti bisa2 jatuh cinta sama kamu!". Gue ngakak pas nyokap gue ngomong gitu. Iseng banget juga sih nyokap gue bilang2 gitu...tapi belum cukup disitu saja pernyataan nyokap ternyata...tiba2 nyokap bilang lagi..."Tapi gak papa, cocok kok sama kamu kalau umurnya segitu sih". JRENGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG! Hore banget dah! Nyokap gue pingin gue cepet2 nikah supaya doi punya cucu, dan kakek gue punya cicit! Susahnya jadi anak dan cucu pertama :(

Today's Story!

Jadi begini ceritanya...

Hari ini, saya bersama seorang teman kantor saya name is Anita, pergi ke sebuah acara yg diadakan oleh UFm di Senayan City. Karena kami termasuk orang-orang yang datangnya tepat waktu, jadilah fotokopi KTP kami dimasukkan ke dalam wadah yang biasanya dipakai buat pelihara ikan hias...di rumah saya *ngakak*.

Pas acara dimulai...tiba2 ada penarikan undian untuk mendapatkan hadiah dari salah satu sponsor. Entah kenapa perasaan saya mulai gak enak. Lalu saya bilang ke teman saya,

"Nit! Haduh...gw stress dah...kalo gw yang dapet, lo yang maju ye!!". Lalu teman saya bilang,

"ah, ngga mau ah Dan!"... dan saya benar2 pingin tiba2 menghilang dari tempat itu, sembari tanpa henti ngedumel...,

"HADUH! HADUHHHH!"....dan salah satu fotokopi ktp terambil oleh Odit sebagai MC dan mulai dibacakan oleh partnernya Odit, Imam....

"Yak...yang beruntung berasal dari daerah Kelurahan Kebon Manggis!", di dalam benak saya...,

"Kebon Manggis? Ah! Kebon Manggis mana kali...bukan matraman, tapi perasaan gw kok makin ngga enak...", tiba2...

"MATRAMAN!"

sadar kalau itu KTP saya, saya pun langsung serta merta menutup wajah saya dengan majalah yang kebetulan dibagikan tadi sembari berkata pelan2 tapi setengah berteriak ke Anita..,"TA!! ITU KTP GUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!",

"atas nama TENGKU WILDANTI PUTRI!!"

...dikira ngga bakal ketauan soalnya muka saya sudah ditutup dengan majalah...ternyata,

"YAAAAAAA! YANG DUDUK DISEBELAH SANA! AYO DANTY MAJU KSINI!"

...berjerit didalam hati "TIDAKKKKKKKKKKKK! Malu aku...malu...AKU KAN BUKAN BANCI QUIZ ATAUPUN HADIAH!!", dan Anita pun tertawa2 sepanjang saya menuju ke depan dan balik lagi ke tempat duduk. Dia bilang...,

"Sumpah lucu banget! Padahal emang lo tadi udah bingung sendiri, takut kalo2 dapet hadiahnya, ngga taunya beneran! Huahuahuah...kocak sumpah!".

HABIS D GW HARI INI DIEJEKIN MLULU SAMA ORANG2! Tapi gak papa...doa orang terzhalimi lebih cepat diterima..*langsung berdoa dalam hati* AMIENNNNNNNNN! Huhu...lagi gede ni hokinya taun ini. HIDUP TIKUS!